My Mom loves to complete word searches, and I also used to do them all the time. However, I had not done a word search in years. On Sundays, I usually visit my mom after church for a few hours. I visited her one Sunday afternoon and decided to join in the word search she was so diligently working on. This was not your standard word search where you find the word and just cross it off the list. This search was comprised of words that were six letters long ending in a, ‘l’, ‘t’ and ‘o’. There was no list to check off; it was quite challenging. I kept looking at this one word, thinking “I know this is a word,” but I kept reading it as Mariana. I said to myself, “It can’t be a name so that’s not it.” Then I would look elsewhere, but I kept coming back to that word. Finally, after doing that maybe five or six times, I realized the word was marina not Mariana. I was adding an extra letter, which I tend to do quite often. Because of this and sometimes writing words with letters in the incorrect order (I usually catch it), I always thought I was dyslexic, though never diagnosed. However, the main symptoms of dyslexia that are always mentioned are poor reading and writing skills. I love to read and write, and I have always excelled at both.
We like to give names to our issues. Some of us even like to self-diagnose. It can help remove the uncertainty and the feelings of being alone in our struggles. We can research statistics for all the other people suffering with the same issue. We feel empowered by all the knowledge we can consume about a diagnosis, disorder or problem we need to solve. We spend a lot of time googling, searching, and accessing expert advice or even the advice of friends. What we really need is the one true expert in all things. What we really need is not to search but to seek. We need to seek the Lord first always. I have said far too many times, “I need to figure this out.” No, that’s exactly what I don’t need to do! I need to pursue the wisdom of God and ask for His help and guidance in every situation. He is always available, and He will never steer us wrong. Whatever He tells us to do will always be the best guidance we can ever receive. God doesn’t make mistakes! Make sure to listen well and then, do not hesitate to obey. Don’t start questioning His wisdom like we tend to do when others don’t understand the direction the Lord may be taking us. It does not always make sense by worldly standards. Don’t allow the enemy to pull his old but still very effective trick, “Did God really say?”
Assisting my mom with a challenging word search took me on a journey of memories through the challenges I have faced over the course of my life. Some self-imposed and some caused by other variables or people. Many of these challenges started with a lack of knowledge of God’s love for me. I struggled with my identity, my worth, and overwhelming insecurities that caused me to search for comfort from the things of this world to fill voids that only God could fill. Whether we have a learning or physical disability, an illness or disease, a psychological or emotional condition that causes us challenges, our greatest source of hope, comfort, joy, and peace is our God. We don’t have to figure anything out or search for wisdom. Our job is to seek God first, trust and obey Him and then receive His peace and rest in His goodness.
I don’t want to spend however many days I have left on this earth worrying about how to overcome the challenges I face daily. I don’t need a name for everything I think may be wrong with me. What I know for certain is that I am a child of the Most High, fearfully and wonderfully made in His image. I am loved, protected, sustained and strengthened by my Abba and He will help me carry out every plan and purpose He created me to accomplish on this earth. No limitation that I have will thwart God’s perfect will in my life and that is true for you, too.
(Psalm 9:10 NIV) Those who know your name trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.
