Oftentimes, I convince myself that I’m alone in things I feel and now is one of those times. But I’m choosing to share what’s been on my mind recently, in hopes that I’m wrong and that you will benefit from the work the Lord has been doing in me. Lately, I’ve been feeling the weight of responsibility for my future more than ever before. I think more than ever that the Lord has a lot to ask of me now and for my future, and I feel like I must be more prepared than I am. This weekend, I was wrestling with this feeling, asking God to take it away and being frustrated that He would not. It felt like I was sinking, longing for a time when things in my life were simpler. And truthfully, I fell into a place where I convinced myself that I wasn’t worthy of the calling God has given me. I told myself I wouldn’t do it because the work is too hard, the burden is too heavy, and surely I would fail myself and God. And in the car on the way to church, I had gotten so frustrated that I turned off my worship music because I didn’t want to think about God. I know some of you may find that picture hard to digest; there are many people in my life that I could never imagine would be upset with God. And, logically, I knew it was wrong to be after everything He has done for me. But I wanted an escape from responsibility. If I thought no one would notice that I wasn’t at church, I surely wouldn’t have walked in that day. I wouldn’t have sung the carols praising God for the joy He brings, because all I could think about was how my life was full of suffering.
I was at the church all day hiding my frustration, and when I got in the car, I began to tell God how I felt. I told Him that He asked too much of me, and surely He could release me to a simpler task that would require less discipline, less care, and less effort. And as I pulled up to a stoplight, these words came to mind: “My yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:30) I wept bitterly and didn’t say another word the whole ride home. Is my burden light? Through the windows of my eyes, all I see is struggle, and I fall quickly to defeat instead of into my coming victory. When a soldier leaves home to go to the battlefield, of course, it will be difficult. But the victory will justify the suffering.
The truth is that there has yet to be a battle the Lord has lost, and He will not allow me to fail. And the truth is that Jesus is not the heaviness I feel; it is the sin of the world that weighs on me. Jesus is the one who will help me carry it. I was supposed to have written this blog earlier, and I almost submitted something about giving because I wanted something simple, something impersonal. But the Lord has shown me something better. This morning in class, I was prompted to read the Bible for a few minutes at any place, so I opened it and felt like I should read 1 Thessalonians. To me, this book feels random and unimportant compared to some of the more popular books, but when I started reading, I was completely shocked. In 1 Thessalonians, Paul writes a letter to the church at Thessalonica to encourage them, and in chapter 1, verse 6, He writes, “So you received the message with joy from the Holy Spirit in spite of the severe suffering it brought you. In this way, you imitated both us and the Lord.” (NLT)
(Matthew 11:30, NLT) For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”
Written by Abriana Nelson
