Many of us are aware that distractions are a constant battle on our walk with the Lord. Since releasing my book in April, I have found myself seeking the Lord for guidance on what to do next yet feeling very much at a standstill. I hadn’t opened the Word much, I wasn’t praying much for myself, and my prayers for others were scarce. Compounded with financial stress, working a lot, dealing with changes in my three daughters’ lives, and other personal adjustments, it was easy to be drawn away from God—precisely when I should have been drawing closer.
In August, clarity began to break through. During a teaching through the book of Revelation, the Pastor at my church came to chapter 2, verse 4, which says: “Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first.” I immediately knew that verse was for me, but I wasn’t sure what to do about it.
That changed in September when I went on the mission trip to John 3:17 Ministries. As I shared my testimony about the origins of my book, it’s hard to explain, but a spark of life returned. Seeing those women hungry for the Lord and excited to learn reminded me of how the Lord had taught me, and I knew this was what He meant. His Word is living and active, and Jesus is life. I realized I had become complacent without even realizing it, overwhelmed with all the things life likes to throw at us. I genuinely felt like the tiny, passing conversations I had with the Lord were enough to sustain me. I was wrong.
When I started to feel like I had failed, I knew I couldn’t let the enemy have that. The Holy Spirit was there and didn’t let me remotely fall for condemnation. Disarming the enemy is quick when we simply take accountability. Yes, I did fail, get complacent, and get distracted—but I didn’t just cling to what the Lord held against me. I also had the verses that came before: “I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance… You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name and have not grown weary,” (2-3) and the verses after: “Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first…” (5).
It can be really easy to get down on ourselves when we experience conviction, but we must not give the enemy a foothold; he wants nothing more than to make us feel condemned. But we know there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus. The gifts of grace and repentance are there for us. The Lord understands that we have a lot going on, but He wants us to lean on Him to hold and carry us through, not to pull away from Him. Remember to allow yourself the same grace God allows you; this is not a sprint, it’s a marathon. When the hurdles knock you down, it’s okay to take a second, catch your breath, and gather your thoughts, but get back up and keep going, slow and steady, keeping your focus on the One guiding you.
I am still unsure about what I will do next, but I have completed a few drawings and returned to writing the Word, as well as listening to the Word and teachings, especially those that the Lord has used to strengthen me in the past. Most importantly, I am praying, trying to be intentional about my prayer time. And I hold onto one of my favorite scriptures:
(John 14:27, NIV) Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
