I recently did a teaching where I shared a personal testimony. It took me through a pruning season that I did not know I needed. In preparation, I started by asking God what He wanted me to speak on. When He told me to talk about forgiveness I thought “awesome! I’ve got this one down!” I have walked through some hard things in my life that required me to learn about forgiveness, and how it does not come easy.
We have all kinds of hurt and offenses that require forgiveness on our part, but some are harder than others. The hardest at the time for me, came from the one who was supposed to love and protect me. It was adultery and betrayal from my spouse that had once been my best friend. I held onto that unforgiveness for way too long. In fact, I didn’t even want to forgive him. I saw it as a biblical way out of a faithless, troubled marriage. But God wouldn’t let it stand and He didn’t give me peace about leaving. So, I became angry with Him too.
My walk with God became more like I was walking alone. He was there but because of my anger and bitterness there was a wall between us. I lost my inner peace and wallowed in self-pity, anger, resentfulness and depression. I guess He finally had enough of it and asked me one day, “How many times have you cheated on Me? Did I forgive you, when you confessed and asked for forgiveness?” These words broke my heart and broke down the wall because they were true. There were too many times I needed His forgiveness, and yet He was faithful to me despite my unfaithfulness to Him.
It wasn’t an instant forgiveness on my part, it was a process and a daily commitment. I had to learn to trust again. I got back in His word and held onto many promises. But the one I held tightly to the most was Romans, 12:19 – “Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, “I will take revenge; I will pay them back, says the Lord.” I liked that, a lot. So, for years now it has been my decision to forgive everyone that sins against me because God sees everything, and He will take care of it. I believe that He will, and I have seen Him do just that.
So that’s what I intended to talk about. Letting God take revenge for you! But there was a pruning in me that needed to be done to bring closure still; to make me look a little more like Jesus. So, God would not give me peace about sharing it. I couldn’t find the clarity of words; they wouldn’t come. I asked everyone around me to pray for clarity. I thought maybe I had heard Him wrong, and this wasn’t what I was supposed to speak about after all. I thought I had it down pat. I held no grudges. I forgave before an offense even happened, so what was it that I needed to learn about myself?
I asked my Pastor to pray, and he suggested I read a book that had spoken to him personally years ago. I got it immediately and devoured it in a day. To be honest God made it clear in the first few pages what it was that I needed to learn. I was directed to Ephesians, 4:30-32 – “And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, He has identified you as His own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words and slander as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tender hearted, forgiving one another, just as God though Christ has forgiven you.”
Now, I have read these words more times than I can count but as the Holy Spirit does, He opened my eyes anew to the words “just as God has forgiven you”. He asked me if that’s the way I forgive. I said “absolutely!” And He said, “I don’t think so”. He pointed out that my version of forgiveness was dependent on Him punishing others for their sins against me. He caused me to hear the words of the Lord’s Prayer “and forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us”. I realized that I did not want Him to forgive me the way I forgave others! My way of forgiveness ensured that they would be punished in some way. Now, if God were to punish me for all my sins against Him, I would certainly be destroyed. And I wanted Him to wipe my slate clean, to let me off the hook. So, I must do that for others too.
I must ask God to forgive them as well, entirely. Not to hold what they did to me against them. Just as Jesus did as He hung on the cross broken, bleeding and dying while the ones He loved mocked Him and weren’t bothered at all by what they had done to Him. By what they were still doing to Him. They weren’t asking for His forgiveness, yet He asked the Father to forgive them. I made a choice that day to forgive like Jesus and I have been bombarded with situations that require me to hold to that choice ever since. It’s hard to forgive this way and I cannot do it on my own. I rely on the Holy Spirit to do it for me as my friend Ashley says, “I have to forgive in faith first”.
It is becoming easier each day, to ask God not to hold it against them and bless them (and mean it). Why did I need to learn this way of forgiving? Because I want nothing to stand in the way of Gods anointing on my life. I do not want to grieve the Holy Spirit in any way. I want to walk in full communion with Him to have access to the power that lives inside me. Once again, the pruning was painful but, oh so worth it!
What work is He doing in you today?
(1 Thessalonians 5:23 NLT) Now may the God of peace make you holy in every way, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless until our Lord Jesus Christ comes again.
